How I Became That Girl

I've always thought that I'd end up having a baby on my own. I'm not sure why...Maybe I created my own fate when I repeatedly told people in my early 20's (possibly earlier) that I would have a baby on my on at 30 if I was still single and financially able to do it. At 30, I was still single, but I wasn't ready, emotionally or financially. The new goal year became 35, with me starting to try at 34.

At 34, I was a year out of a 2-year relationship that had left me feeling very betrayed and a little down in the dumps that I wasn't going to have a child by the time I was 35. I remembered, I had always said I would do it on my own. Financially, I was able. Emotionally, I was terrified, but started my journey in getting tests done to check my fertility. I'll talk about that process in a later blog, but ultimately once I learned the cost, I put the plan on hold for a little while and decided to let the universe do its thing. If it was meant to be, it would happen. (Though sometimes I wonder if the universe sent me to do the testing and I've now wasted valuable time...) A few months ago, I decided next summer I would start either the IVF process or adopt, but after yet another bad date, I'm thinking I may begin this January. Why wait?

I remember being younger (not that I feel I am old), and hearing about women reaching their mid-thirties and becoming almost desperate to have a baby. I will admit, I thought this whole idea of a biological clock was crazy. Well, now two days before my 35th birthday, I'm not saying I'm desperate, but I'm definitely impatient. Tick. Tick. Tick.