Update - IUI #3

Sorry for leaving everyone hanging...short version is this cycle didn't take...Insurance wasn't approved quick enough to do the next cycle this month, so I'm waiting till October...and pondering IVF if this one doesn't work.

IUI #3 - Tomorrow is the Day

Yes, my date with the turkey baster is tomorrow. I have 2 large mature follicles (1 of the same size as the overachiever was hiding behind the first one) and another she hopes matures by tomorrow. Triggered last night and in a little more than 12 hours, I try again. Then the two week wait.

IUI #3 - Day 7/8 Update

Ultrasound #2 was this morning. I have 4 good follicles so far! This is double what I had last cycle. I go back on Wednesday and then she will decide if I will trigger Wednesday or Friday night. I got the impression that she'd like to try to wait till Friday, but I have one overachiever that's already at a median of 14. The other 3 are 11 or 12ish. We'll see what Wednesday says. I am noticing with the increase in dose of the follistin, I'm feeling a little sick - headachy and nauseaus. I also have some pain in my legs that I can't figure where it came from - trust me it's not from exercise!. There is a history of circulation problems in my family and I mentioned it this morning at my appointment. The dr didn't feel that it was a clot, but gave me clear instructions on what to look for. Feeling a little better tonight, but that could just be my optimism about the doubling of my maturing follicles.

IUI #3 - Day 5

So Wednesday was the day 3 ultrasound and I was so frickin' excited because I had 6 follicles! 3 on each side. Right ovary congrats for keeping up with the left this month! I know that's not a lot, but it's the most I've had yet and 2 more than the last cycle. FSH level was higher than last time, but lower than the first at 8.8. I feel good. The doc upped my dosage of Follistim to 100IU this time and I changed donors. We'll see what happens.

On other notes, I've had 2 other offers from guys offering. Both very serious. Is anyone else getting this? What drives me crazy is I always wanted to conceive with a known donor and couldn't find anyone...now that I've decided to go the anonymous donor route, I get these other options. And as my fertility funds are running low, I actually seriously considered and started working out contract details with one potential donor. We had (I thought) all the major issues covered....and then the next day he decides it that if I got pregnant, he'd like cash ($2500) for his 'Valuable Super Sperm'. Yes, you read that right - VALUABLE (as he put it in all CAPS in instant messenger) Super Sperm. No, it's not a lot of money, and it's definitely cheaper than IUI with meds, but it took away the kind offer that I saw it as and turned it into a business transaction. There are a lot of details missing from this summarized version, but it gave me another reason to stick with my anonymous donor.

P.S. I also discovered yesterday that the cryobank is no longer accepting Care Credit. Not that big a deal, but frustrating since it's 0% for a year and the last day they accepted it was 2 days ago. I could have gotten a few more vials without having to pay the interest rate on my credit card.

Heading into IUI #3...

This next cycle should start this week...I kind of feel like I am just going through the motions...Not sure why I am feeling this way... I have decided to change donors. The original choice still has no pregnancies. Since the money is running low, I'm going to change to a different donor with proven swimmers. I think I'm tired of the let down - and I've only done it twice (not counting the 2-3 months I've had to wait between cycles). My heart goes out to those who have been ttc for a lot longer than me. I think you're all awesome, strong, brave women!

Post Cycle Blues

For the first time in a long time, I am really sad. I don't think it's because I'm not pregnant this time. I've never thought that it would take one of the first few times...not really sure when I think it will, but had never expected to be a one time wonder. I'm not sure if it's because I'm a little lonely - that I know I am right now. Or that I'm very confused about my relationship with one of my best male friends. Confused, yet content...does that make any sense? Or maybe I'm just a little blue.

I know I have stuff to think out. So much stuff that I'm not really sure what it is. It's like this big ball of pieces of colored string bundled together and I need to start pulling each apart and figure out where each came from. Just pulling a few apart this is the thought process in my head...getting pregnant...IUI #3 in August...I need more vials...do I use the same donor with no pregnancies...or do I try someone new with success (that wasn't there 6 months ago)...then there was yet another offer to donate the old fashioned way...No, it really doesn't feel right...stick to the plan...New topic...weddings weddings everywhere. Very happy for everyone. But really don't feel like celebrating. Must go. Must be there for friends....New topic...Going home...ahh...that lifts my spirits a bit...mom...family...friends...there's no place like home...New topic...The friend...friends...more???...do I want it?...does he want it?...What am I thinking!?...just adding complication...things are fine now...but what about if he meets someone...what about when I meet someone...really just leave things as they are...but, what if?...just stick to the plan...New topic...Damn plan...Argh! :)

In the past few years, yoga has been my retreat to figure it all out. I actually find myself resisting the mat these days. It's interesting, because I know why. The moment I go to the mat, is the moment this ball is going to unwind. The unwinding is so therapeutic and ultimately feels great, but I just don't have the time right now. If I heard one of my student's saying this to me, I'd tell them it is always important to find time for ourselves. I will. I promise. Just not right now. :)

Follow Up

I just spoke to the doctor and it looks like cycle 3 has to wait till August...I'm on vacation next week, then she is in July. We really need to coordinate our vacations better :)

I need to email my yoga therapy teacher and ask about if I should detox again. I'm also going to check with my local family services to ask about the adoption process...Might as well explore all options.